Journal of a college student

New Beginning

2011-10-06T07:38:00.001-07:00

After hearing many requests to continue this blog (from one person), I have decided to continue posting. I don't really remember what happened that made me stop; it was a long time ago... Nevertheless, I have a lot of exciting things to talk about. First, I'll mention a little about what has happened since I last posted.
I feel a little uneasy going into much detail about it, since this is so public, but I have been through a lot of joy and hardship. My life was going great until I lost sight of what was really important. First, I put something good above my relationship with God. "Something good" is all I can say... After that, I lost that good thing. I traded it for something worth nothing. The next few months were a dark time for me. During that time I realized that I had no friends (that I talked to or saw regularly). I was effectively alone and I learned to accept that. I shoved my faith to the back and spent all of my time playing video games and watching anime.
Now that I think about it, I was reading Radical by David Platt during this. It was making an impact on my life, and I was trying to get closer to God, but I wasn't really committing myself to it. The pain and sorrow from my loss kept coming back. I can't really describe completely what I was going through, but in summary, I was living with Christ in the background; trying to follow him but not putting much effort into it.
I had a wakeup call. Literally, someone called me and told me what I was doing. I really respect this person, so hearing it from him was very meaningful for me. I took it seriously, but didn't put much thought into it until that night. What he said was almost haunting me. I got up at 1am and deleted all of my video games; 140Gb of them. It was the first step in my rehab, but my life was pretty empty after that. I got rid of the one thing that occupied my time. Consequently, I thought about what I had lost (the really good thing) a lot.
Next, something really painful happened to me. I found something else that was good. It was enough to help me forget what I lost, but it was just out of my reach. I started reading my Bible daily at this point. Once I finally got this new thing, it was slowly taken away from me. I think God gave it to me just to remind me that He is the only thing I can alway count on having. Now, when I look back on both of the good things I had, I am happy to have had them and miss having them but feel divine peace about losing them.
I have been praying and reading my Bible, and I just started "Crazy Love." More later.

Sermon On The Mount, Cont. 9/8

2009-09-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Matt 5:4 (KJV)

For the next little while, I will be meditating on this verse. Thefreedictionary.com defines mourn as:

1. To feel or express grief or sorrow.

I believe Jesus is saying that if we repent of our sins, he will bless us with his comfort. In order to do this effectively, we have to realize how evil our sins are and have a grasp of how that affects us and our walk with God (,or become poor in spirit).

I will be praying that God will continue to speak to me and help me to grow. I will also pray for all of the people who are reading this. One of the reasons I am making this public is so that others will be encouraged or blessed by it, and I want so much for all of my friends to fall deeper in love with God. This is my prayer:

Dear Lord,
You are so powerful and mighty. Your glory fills the Earth and we praise you. You are so holy, Lord. Thank you so much for your love. Thank you for sending your son to be the ultimate sacrifice to shield us from your holy wrath. I also thank you for showing my sins to me. Please continue to reveal them to me. I hate how evil I am. I see my sins and how fowl they are, but I keep coming back to them over and over again. I know that I am not perfect, and I ask that when I do fall, you pick me up again. Don't let me go back to my sinful lifestyle. You promise that you will comfort me when I mourn. I don't know how you will comfort me, but I will be listening for your voice. I also ask for you to be with all of the people who are reading my blog. Let it be a tool to help your children get closer to you. Inspire them and give them wisdom so that they may learn from what I have learned. Thank you for what you have done, what you are doing in my life, and what you are going to do. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Please pray for me too. This is getting harder for me to do. Satan is attacking me with old sins, fatigue, homework, and other things like that. Please feel free to write your prayer as a comment if you feel comfortable with it. Just do what you are led to do.

I Finally Get It!

2009-09-07T00:53:00.001-07:00

I have been sitting in my bed meditating on verse 3 and listening for God's message for me. I feel like He finally showed me what I have been seeking. I don't know if I can explain what He taught me, but I will try.

First, we were created in His perfect image. We were flawless! Then, sin enters the world through the knowledge of good and evil. This changed us. Now humans are an abomination of what we were. We are still capable of good, but now we are capable of evil too. On top of that, evil is so pleasing. Now we are separated from God and we are unable to fulfill our purpose. The reason sin is so horrible is that it is the opposite of God. It is really impossible to understand, no matter how hard we try. We can never understand the enormity or importance of this fact.

I am posting by text, but tomorrow, I will update with the next leg of my journey. I hope that I have made my inspirations clear so that you can somewhat learn from my experiences. I also want to reiterate that I am not super spiritual. I am just trying to document my leap of faith to benefit myself an others.

Chapel, Sept. 4

2009-09-04T09:35:00.001-07:00

We had a great chapel service today. I truely worshiped God in his glory. My hope for the day is that God will continue to pour his love into me. That will be my prayer.

Dear Lord,
I praise you for your awesome power and love. I ask that you continue to reveal the magnitude of my sin to me and also show me your abundant love. Amen.

this post is by text, i will expand on it after class.

Update: In Calculus I, our devo was from Ephesians 5:18:

18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

Eph 5:18 (KJV)

This goes along with my earlier blog about trusting in the Lord instead of in worldly things.

We had a great video. I guy is walking through the streets and he can't help but praise God:

The Sermon On The Mount: Update 9/4

2009-09-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 5 Blessed arethe meek: for they shall inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. 7 Blessed arethe merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Matt 5:3-12 (KJV)

I have been praying this prayer: "... Please show me how you see my sin to the point that I can stand..." It didn't become clear to me all at once, but as I repeat this prayer, I start to see small things that I do that God disapproves of. For example, small white lies that I say without thinking or bad things that flash through my mind for just a second. Thoughts are dangerous because they are hard to control. I am slowly starting to notice these sins, as well as others, that I am guilty of. I am starting to see what they are really like, but I don't think God is done with me yet.

I don't want anyone to think I am some super spiritual person. My walk with God has been very dead recently. I would pray, but it would be empty. At chapel, I felt convicted about what Dr. Patrick was talking about. This is my way of trying to get back to God, and I only make this public to encourage others to follow my lead. It is a huge commitment, but if you want to get serious in your love life with God, you have to let God get rid of the things that lie in between you and Him. This may not be the right path for every wayward Christian, but the important thing to remember is this:

5 Trust in Jehovah with all thy heart, And lean not upon thine own understanding: 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he will direct thy paths.

Prov 3:5-6 (ASV)

"The greater perfection a soul aspires after, the more dependent it is upon divine grace."
~Brother Lawrence

The Sermon On The Mount

2009-09-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

I want to use my blog for now to keep my notes on what God is doing in my life. I don't know if it will become a regular thing, but since this is a brand new blog, I think I can have some leeway on how I do it.

In chapel today, a man named Dr. John Patrick spoke to us about the Sermon On The Mount. His site is here if you want to check it out:

http://www.johnpatrick.ca/papers.htm

He read the Beatitudes:

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Matt 5:3-12 (KJV)

Dr. Patrick explained that this is not the SotM, but the notes that Matthew took about it. Tonight I decided to try what he suggested. I am going to make this my prayer for a while. As a start I am praying that God would make me poor in spirit. What that means, is that He would show me what my sin looks like to Him (as much as I am able to stand).

There hasn't been any revelation so far, but I didn't expect for it to be an instant thing. I will keep meditating on verse three and in time, if God is willing, I will understand how that applies specifically to me. If it takes longer than a few days, I will update my progress anyway.